I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize