he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wow bdsm is so cute
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
