Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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