what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
