she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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