By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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