I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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