Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize