Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
