well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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