Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mom said you looked used
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
