I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
