I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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