he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
