Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm always down for nudity.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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