Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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