Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize