Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We need to rekindle our bromance
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
