Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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