Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
