I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
