The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I believe in your delicious
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
