He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
