i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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