So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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