i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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