were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
