Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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