Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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