Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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