just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
