should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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