Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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