If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
