I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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