Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
