you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
