Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
