areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
