yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
