Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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