I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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