i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
