If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
