the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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