I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
