Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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