wat bout pragnant strippers??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
