she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
