i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
