go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
