so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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