you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
