I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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