you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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