i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
