I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
