when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
