Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
