I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
