Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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